To feel truly American

I’m a newly minted American, relatively speaking, and the novelty hasn’t worn off. So I’m always looking for things to do every Fourth that make me feel truly American. This Fourth I have several choices. Listed in no particular order of importance here they are:

  1. Being that I live in Texas, I could head over to a border town, round up some migrant children and hand them over to ICE so they can be put in a concentration camp. These aren’t concentration camps you say? Might I remind you that not all concentration camps in Nazi occupied territory were created equal? They weren’t all Auschwitz. Remember Theresienstadt? The “model” concentration camp? As for the children? They came here illegally you say? See I missed that.  Now that I’ve been enlightened that they got here illegally I stand corrected. Of course they deserve to be put in concentration camps. What was I thinking?
  2.  Head on over to the nation’s capital to watch a Soviet style parade where we show off our military hardware escorted by soldiers marching through the National Mall. I’ve done that when I was a young child. Watched columns of tanks and artillery flanked by soldiers marching in near unison parade through the streets of New Delhi. One thing I know about that parade? The thing was so mind numbingly boring that it aroused anything but a sense of pride in our nation’s military might. And this  when my father was a member of the Indian military and I was an impressionable nine year old. So.. No thanks.
  3. I could save a few dollars and watch said parade televised on state sponsored media, our version of TASS, aka Fox News. But then again, no thanks.
  4.  Watch The 2019 Nathan’s Famous International Hot Dog Eating Contest as I shove a few brat(wurst)s down the gullet myself.
  5. Wash said brats down with Budweiser, aka America’s brew, aka horse piss.

We are indeed spoiled for choices as Americans. Sadly though, lazy and unimaginative as I am, I will be sticking to #4, as I’ve done for the past several years. Happy fourth y’all. Thanks for reading.

Lakshman Hariharan
07/04/19, Prosper, TX.